I spend a lot of time on the Ram Van. Whether coming from my internship, classes, or a night on the town, my rides on the Ram Van offer plenty of time to reflect upon what the hell just happened in Manhattan. Some of these stories, you just have to read to believe...

Monday, January 28, 2013

That Girl You Never Want to See but Always End Up Seeing



Okay. You've heard of Whack-a-Mole, right? That game where the moles pop up over and over again and annoy you until you hit them with a hammer? 

Well that's basically my relationship with this girl I know named Courtney.* 

I'm not kidding. She pops up everywhere, just like the moles from Whack-a-Mole, and always at the most inopportune times. This week alone, I saw her four times (not intentionally). And it wouldn't be too bad, but there's just something about her that's incredibly irksome. It might be her weirdo fifth grade pigtails that she's always wearing. Or it could be her complete and total lack of social self-awareness. 

She always blabbers on and on, and thwarts any attempts to escape the conversation. So you can imagine my frustration when twice this week, I met a friend in a Starbucks to talk about semi-private and fairly heavy things, and Courtney whack-a-moled her way into our conversations and stayed forever despite obvious hints that our conversation was private. But this was in a Starbucks on campus, so I guess I kind of understand why I kept seeing her there. 

But - and I kid you not - when I got a text saying "I'm waving to you through the windows at your work," I almost died. WHAT? How did she find me here, in another borough of the city? Are her pigtails hiding some crazy antennae that let her know where I am at all times? Is she really just a Jumanji-style Whack-a-Mole that I accidentally brought to life?

Dramatic, maybe. But it's getting out of hand. I'm afraid that she's lurking around every corner, just waiting to launch into a conversation about her socks that are a nice blend of cotton and nylon, or her mom's cousin who bought a green car. She's perfectly nice in small doses, but if she pops up in my shower soon (which I'm almost certain will happen any day now), I might lose it.




*named changed so I don't seem like as much of a heartless monster.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Attacked by a Dinosaur (and other short stories)

As I sit on this Ram Van, reflecting on my morning, I find myself caught in between amusement and an overwhelming sensation similar to PTSD. You might ask, "why?" Or you might ask, "should I call someone?" Or you might ask, "are you schizophrenic?" No, let me explain.
I intern at a popular morning show which films in midtown. It's a blast. I always have fun when I'm working, and I know I'm one of a very small percentage of the population who is fortunate enough to say that. So please, don't think that I'm complaining about my internship at all. I'm not. I love it.
But when you're attacked by a dinosaur at 9 in the morning, it's hard not be at least a little traumatized, you know?

On the show, the producers often book some surprises for the anchors. Jack Hanna and a baby snow leopard, or Oprah, for example. This week, however, they brought a life-sized incredibly realistic looking dinosaur that blinked and roared and ran around. Apparently some theme park in Australia is promoting the new dinosaur attractions they've invented. It was funny and surprising until it came over to me and invaded my personal space. (See photos below.)
Just so you know, I am not afraid of roller coasters. I am not afraid of spiders. I am not afraid of the deep end. I am however, afraid of life-sized dinosaurs that are either trying to cuddle or eat me. I'm still not sure which, on account of I was trying to survive instead of pondering the dinosaur's intentions toward me...
Anyway, that's my #RamVanRant for today. Never a dull moment, I suppose.