When Mother Nature Strikes: A College Student's Survival Guide

NATURAL DISASTER. WHAT DO WE DO?!?!?!?!?!

Between Hurricane Sandy and Nemo the Blizzard, I have become an expert on what it takes to outwit Mother Nature, when she comes at you swingin'... at least if you're on a college campus. So here for your information - free of charge - is the foolproof list of things every college student needs to survive a hurricane or blizzard.

1. Alcohol
A lot of people think, "Oh dear, let me stock up on water or soup in case I'm stuck in my home during this storm." That kind of thinking will ensure the most boring of all storms. Listen. If you want water during a storm, throw open the window and hold a cup out there for a little while. It'll be full in no time.

Alcohol on the other hand, is necessary to storm survival for many reasons. If you start stressing that your dorm room is about to float away with the flood waters, take a sip of wine, and you're automatically less anxious. Or, let's say the power goes out. Can't watch television, can't play video games, can't waste battery on your phone or lap top. So what do you do? You play a drinking game, obviously. Also, if it is a blizzard, and the heat goes out, blankets can only do so much. That's where whiskey comes in. Guaranteed warmth all over.

So next time Mayor Bloomberg or The National Weather Service predicts a horrifying storm of some kind, remember Step 1: Buy Alcohol.

2. Your friend's Netflix username and password
If you're lucky enough to keep your power, then obviously you need something completely unproductive to do for hour and hours on end. Let's be honest, you could do homework or you could do laundry or you could work out. But that's annoying. And there are five seasons of Parks and Recreation on Netflix just waiting for you to watch them. See?

I mean, really, how could you resist? So, you do what any sane and morally ambiguous college student should do. You ask your friend for their Netflix username and password. Because to pay for your own Netflix account would be way too legal and make way too much sense.

So that's why next storm, make sure you can kill 24 straight hours watching Parks and Rec or whatever show thanks to a Netflix account you aren't even paying for.

3. Healthy and sustaining* snacks
*By healthy and sustaining, I mean anything that tastes good. Oreos and peanut butter, for example.*
Stock up on the essentials. You don't know if you'll be able to make it to White Castle or McDonald's for the next few days, so make sure you get healthy and sustaining* snacks that will keep you full and energized throughout the storm.

So when you go to 7/11 to buy these healthy* snacks, make sure to splurge on the family sized bag of chips, and get both salsa and guacamole. And Oreos and Chips Ahoy and peanut butter and nutella and frozen pizza and Ben and Jerry's and M&M's.

Seriously. If you don't get these healthy and sustaining snacks you'll probably die. Storms are brutal and these are the snacks that keep every college kid alive during the hardest of times.

4. More alcohol
Just in case, you know?