The Worst Kinds of Ram Van (or subway/bus/plane/train) Riders

Alright. So perhaps my blog isn't Fordham-centric enough to support a title like #RamVanRants. So while I brainstorm another title, here's a post that brings this a little closer to home, which for me, is basically the Ram Van.

There are a a few types of people who (sorry to say it) completely and totally suck to be stuck next to on the Ram Van. Here they are:

Cell Phone Sally

I don't mean to stereotype this rider as female, but in my experience, the chattiest cell phone talkers tend to be girls, giving their best friends relationship advice for thirty minutes straight... Every single other passenger is dead quiet, but Cell Phone Sally is shrieking advice into her pink iPhone 5 like the rest of us really want to hear it too. "No. Maggie. Just call him and ask if he's sleeping with Kate. She's filthy, and if he's even friends with her, you shouldn't even waste your time on him anyway. Trust me, girl. Okay. Kisses. Bye."

Cool. Keep it classy, Cell Phone Sally.

Doesn't-Understand-Headphones Dan

I love listening to music on the Ram Van, or subway, or whatever - especially if there's a Cell Phone Sally around. However, I use headphones, and I use them correctly. But apparently, knowing how to use headphones correctly is a rare talent that an astounding amount of Ram Van Riders don't have. A brief description of how to use headphones: 

1. Wear them on your head, over your ears. 

2. Play music loud enough so that you can hear it, BUT NOT LOUD ENOUGH THAT EVERYONE WITHIN A HALF MILE CAN HEAR IT. 

3. Enjoy your music.

Step two is where Doesn't-Understand-Headphones Dan goes wrong. For some reason, he thinks headphones represent the opportunity to share his music tastes with the rest of Ram Van. No, Dan, that's what a radio is for. Headphones are an invention that allow you to enjoy your music within the confines of your own head. Turn that volume down, Dan.

Cuddly Cody

This last one might be my least favorite kind of Ram Van Rider. You know when you're on the Ram Van, and there are like, ten seats still open and the driver is getting ready to leave, because there's only a minute until departure time, and then one last minute rider hops on? But whatever, it's chill, right, because there are ten empty seats on the van. Right? 

WRONG. Cuddly Cody picks the seat next you because that's a totally normal thing to do. UGH. I WISH IT LEGAL TO TAZE PEOPLE LIKE THIS. CUDDLY CODY YOU DON'T KNOW ME LIKE THAT.